Random Thoughts

Tuesday, July 04, 2017


Everyone is entitled to starting over, regardless of when it's scheduled to happens. In the past few months, I had to start over in my personal life. Amazingly, I've made progress despite the numerous obstacles that created enormous stumbling blocks for my peace of mind and success. Yet, each day, I wake up and give it another try. I am not sure where this new journey has me headed, but I am confident that things will be okay. I'm excited that life will get better. I believe in my ability to take everything in stride and move forward. 
I watch my children sometimes, especially when they are sleeping. I pray for them. I pray for their lives and the journeys that are attached to them. I pray for their peace of mind. I pray for them to have better discernment than I did. I pray that they can be their authentic selves without concerning themselves about the thoughts and opinions of others. I hope that they learn from how I have had to bounce back in life. 
The way that I envisioned my life as a child and young adult is nothing like how my life is now. Yet, without all the puzzle pieces to make up my life, I do not believe that I would be as strong and resilient as I am now. My children understand that no matter what, I will be there for them. I will be there in good times and bad times. I will do just like my parents, who have never questioned my judgment and provided emotional, spiritual, and financial support without consequences. My parents and siblings have showed us exactly what unconditional love should look like. For that, I am forever grateful. 
Recently, I discovered what true friendship means. When I consider you a friend, I go all in. If you are sick, I bring you tea and well wishes. If you are in the hospital, I bring you well wishes and get well gifts. I value friendship and what it means. However, I have been exposed so many times to one-sided friendships. These friendships involved me giving and people taking. I became so sick of it that I retreated into my own space. After being disappointed so much, I decided to protect myself by being alone. Yet, I recently was exposed to what true friendship feels like. Being in a desperate spot and needing help, I was amazed when a friend stepped in and help me. I couldn't believe it. Someone was doing something for me because of friendship. Someone was helping me because I needed help. Someone was making sure that I was okay instead of me always checking on someone else. Someone was listening because I needed that space. Someone was letting me be me. For me, the simple things matter so much. Having a friend help me out meant the world to me. 
Basically, I am now focused on me and being the best version of me. I'm focusing on experiencing happiness in everything that I do. Each day, I write down what I'm grateful for in my bullet journal. Also, I identify three positive things from my day. In the beginning, I found it hard to see positive things when it felt like my world was crumbling. Yet, being able to examine my day and find something positive is becoming easier to do. Being grateful for having a healthy child or a stress-free day changes your perspective on things. 

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