Bouncing Back

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Being divorced for so long AND being single, I know first hand about the necessity of bouncing back from the negative things, unwarranted arguments with ex-husband, and life's hiccups. I can only feel sorry for myself temporarily. I have developed a continuous habit of bouncing back through being aggressive with doing what I can. My days range from smiling to crying. Sometimes, I mask my sorrow with my braces-infested smile. I have lived through so much, especially since transitioning from such an unhealthy situation on March 5, 2011. Having no idea where I was going to stay, I knew I was not going to deal with him any longer treating me like I was the scum of Earth. I'm faced with another situation that I just don't see any sunshine. I've read my bible. I've fasted and prayed. I decided on yesterday that I wouldn't let anyone know anymore about my troubles. Crying on my mom's birthday, I knew I couldn't ruin her special day. So my new rule is just to hold things together the best that I can. I won't be "thinking aloud" or "just venting."

One day I received a text message from a friend, or rather, I considered her a friend. Her text baffled me. However, I learned that telling the truth when someone asks how you are isn't the best thing to do. Her text proved that. I was just talking with her just like "friends" should. However, her judgment of me wasn't fair, warranted, or acceptable. It was honestly disturbing. 

Having a wide range of different personalities in my pool of friends and acquaintances. I am a genuine friend who doesn't judge what my friends do or think. Sadly, I don't receive the same treatment, except when I talk to my mom. 

Yesterday, I realized I depend too much on sharing things with my mom. Being able to think aloud with her has been so useful. Yesterday, I just couldn't ruin her birthday. 

Therefore, I decided to bounce back alone. I've been just as productive and aggressive with things. I also decided to notice communication with others. Today, my phone has been extremely quiet, other than my ex and I going back and forth, I've heard from a fee friends. I just wish things with him didn't have to be so vindictive. I don't do things the way he wants. I get punished, just like I did while I was married. 

Bouncing back requires so much of me. I smile. I keep it moving. No matter what. Broke. Sad. I bounce back. Why? Three reason... my three children. They knew I was sad last night. They kept saying things like they prayed, it's going to be okay, and etc... I have to keep moving and taking care of things because what do they have without me... 

Today, I bounced back. Emotionally, I'm drained. I know things will get better one day. Until then, I will fake it til I make it. 

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