Guest Post: Beware: Top 3 First Date After Divorce Disasters By Kim Hess

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Beware: Top 3 First Date After Divorce Disasters
By Kim Hess 

Most people dread the first date after a divorce. What's not to dread? You probably haven't been out on a date in years (unless you are one of those married people who dates without  the wifey or hubby knowing about it - which is most likely why you're divorced!) You think you're attractive, but will your date? What should you talk about? The kids, your job, your ex?

First of all, sit down, calm down, and take a nice deep breath. Your first date after a divorce is nowhere near the big deal you may be hyping it up to be. The person you're going out with is human just like you. They don't have special powers, like being able to read your mind, or analyze your soul for any flaws. Trust me, he's not going to know you haven't had sex in months (years!) or that you lie to the dentist when asked if you floss daily. Now let us exam the top 3 things you should beware doing on the first date after divorce.

1. Don't talk about the Ex:

I know they were a part of your life for so many years, but surely you have something more interesting than talking about how great (or how horrible) your marriage was with this person. This is not the time to slam them and their gender in general. Trust me your date will not be thrilled.

2. Don't presume that this is "the one":

I'm sure you're probably laughing, but trust me, there are numerous instances of the first date after divorce to end in disaster because one party was sure that his or her date was "the one." Don't try to easily pick up where you left off after your marriage ends. I know this first date is gorgeous, has a great career, and told you that you were pretty, but come on! You are freshly dating again. It takes a while to get to know someone and bond-and that would be longer than the phone call it took to find out what restaurant you'd like to dine at!

3. Don't talk about sex!

You like sex. I like sex. We all like sex. It's fun, it's pleasurable, and it feels good. But it is NOT a conversation that needs to be discussed in great detail when you're not even sure what your date's last name is. For women to speak of sex and the joys of it on the first date after divorce comes off in one of two ways: either super easy or desperate. I don't care if you're both of these, there's nothing that will give you a big fat zero in the respect department if your date is believing this is who you are. For men to speak of sex on the first date you will come across as either desperate or creepy. And believe me, no woman wants to engage in sexual activity with a desperate or creepy guy. Another zero in the respect department on your first date after divorce.

Knowing the horrendous emotions that occur before, during, and after divorce why would you want to subject yourself to more horrendous emotion? By being relaxed and taking note to beware the top 3 talking points that will end in disaster for your first date after divorce, you can guarantee presenting yourself in a wonderful, positive light which might just get you your second date after divorce!

Having trouble in your dating life after divorce? Don't know what you're doing wrong? Want to be attractive to men? My new book: "From Ex to Next! An Empowered Women's Guide to Dating after Breakup or Divorce" will help you discover all this and more at

Kim Hess is a dating and divorce expert, author, radio show host, and divorce columnist. Get great, free advice about divorce and dating at her website

Article Source:  Beware: Top 3 First Date After Divorce Disasters

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