Just the Beginning

Friday, May 02, 2014

I am guilty.  Yep, I am definitely guilty.  Guilty of what?


Are you guilty?

When I thought of my past, I immediately thought about my relationship with my ex-husband.   I thought about the numerous women he cheated on me with,  I thought about the times I called the police,  I thought about the fact that my three children are his seeds,  I thought about the fact that he is currently seeing one of his mistresses, and I thought about how different my life would be.  This detour to the past often left me full of emotions and emotionally drained.  I felt resentment and anger. I found myself pointing the blame. Yet, in reality, I gave my ex-husband immense power, which be probably didn't realize he even had that kind of power.

On Tuesday, these emotions were rekindled by him, when he told me that if I didn't switch weekend with him, the kids would be exposed to his long-term mistress, since they are in love and dating exclusively.  I was outraged.  How dare he do that to me. Sadly, I went there with myself.  Playing the victim, I gave him even more power.  Even though I could hear his smirk through the phone, I was angry and resentful.  I felt like he was winning again.  

Days later, I have cooled down and recognized what  is really important. Since I know that I have been letting him have this power, I decided to change this fact.  Today, I am back to being 100.  Why? I recognized things and I took heed.

I needed to completely forgive my ex-husband.  Shoot that realization hit home.  I thought I had forgiven, but Tuesday proved that I needed to forgive completely.  I have finally forgiven him COMPLETELY.  Even though I disagree with his behavior and his trifling easy, I had to let go of all the resentment and pain.  I understood that this release doesn't mean I condone what happened.  This release signaled that the pain from the past does not belong in my present, and it will not be carried into my future.

I recognized the growth that has occurred due to my marriage and divorce.  I discovered that numerous strengths were gained.  I became more focused on my goals and what was ultimately important for me and my children.  I became able to help others dealing with similar issues.  I became better at taking care of me and what I needed.  The growth from the experience helped me to achieve true happiness and peace of mind.

I remembered that I have a choice to focus on how to transform such a negative experience to benefit me. I chose to continue to empower myself instead of giving him so much power, which he definitely didn't deserve.  I chose not to be bitter or angry.  I recognized that my past experience means that my future does not have to repeat my past.

Feeling so much better, I did not get upset when my ex-husband called to remind me that I needed to switch weekends with him to avoid conflict.  I explained to him that conflict is not of concern to me because there will not be any.  If he exposes my kids to the woman he chose to be with, who cares.  I don't have to go down the same path of foolishness.  I chose a different path.  

When I politely hung up to continue with my day, I felt empowered. With prayer and faith in God,  having to deal with him and his mistresses will be just like everything else in my past... a distant memory.

What insights have you gained from your past relationships and/or divorce?

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