Random Thoughts: It's Just Life

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I needed to vent, and since I haven't blogged in a long time. I decided to vent here.  This weekend is going to be hectic.  Ex-husband isn't helping watch the kids for me to attend a conference with work.  So, I am balancing several roles.  Tonight, I went to class. In my Seminar in Executive Leadership class, I presented on women and leadership.  Ending the presentation, I explained how I am often faced with a choice.   The global narrative surrounding the role of women in leadership is quite interesting.  My presentation included: Sheryl Sandberg's TED TALK. What are your thoughts on why few women are leaders? As I presented, I kept thinking about my current situation.

Having three children all under the age of 12, I balance being a doctoral student, working full-time as a parent, and being an active parent in my children's lives.  Tomorrow, I am putting my children on the bus for the first time.  Why? My ex-husband was going to be inconvenienced if he took them.  Since I am going on a field trip with my oldest, I had to make the hard choice to put them on the bus.  Once I return tomorrow evening, I have to immediately proceed with the arrangements I made for my children, so that I can present the work that I am currently doing. Ironically, my ex-husband has no worries. Why? He knows that I love my children, and I would never abandon them. He knew that I would "make it happen" when he fell through, and just like clockwork I did.

I have a secret.  I get tired sometimes. I strive for this delusional balance between taking care of work and home. Yet, I am starting to notice a significant shift in how I care for me.  All my time is planned.  I am either working or being a mama.   I don't ask for people to do things for me.  I just do it.  I know people have things going on, and just don't bother people.  My family helps me tremendously.  Not always physically, since I am three hours away, but they provide caring words, prayers, and thoughts. With that being said, I am going to start

Despite begin initially annoyed with being divorced and having to deal with another person's choices, I do understand that things happen.  I am blessed to have three angels.  Things may be hard, but life can be hard.  Since my divorce journey, I have been an overcomer.  I will overcome this as well.

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