Children, Holidays, and Divorce

Saturday, December 07, 2013

Procrastination is so evil.  I was suppose to be attacking my to-do list. Yet, somehow, my to-do list was pushed to the side, and I started scrolling through social media.  I am a member of groups on Facebook which are not my "normal" kind of interactions.  I saw this post, which I had to comment on.  I commented BEFORE reading the other posts.  Who else does that? After I commented,  I decided to read the other posts.   After I read the other posts, I noticed NO ONE said anything to my comment.  It was like they skipped right over mine.  The comments posted were so cynical and selfish.  Some actually encouraged her to lie to her move.  Others posts were like "you grown - do you."  Has this every happened to you?

Instead of venting on Facebook, I decided to engage my blog readers in this discussion.  So, my divorce actually occurred because I was so sick of finding new instances of infidelity.  We had problems, but infidelity killed our marriage.  I did not want to share.  I felt like it was so selfish. Some of the women have been around before we were married.  I still think back on my "logic," and logic does not explain that.  I was just so set on marrying him and having a family, so that my oldest wouldn't live in a single parent home.  Needless to say, it still happened.

Then, I started to think... Lawd, what if my children do me like that?!  Since our divorce and moving along with life,  I now know that every woman he was involved with, he is STILL involved with now.  I wouldn't be surprised if he married one of them and had a family.  Yet, I would be VERY hurt if my children decided to spend a holiday with their stepmother over me. Christmas for me is my favorite holiday.  I love Christmas not because of the materialism, but because it actually insinuates a time of showing you care and rejuvenation before New Year's Day.  How do you deal with the holidays?

In the past three years, I have sacrificed so much for my children to have an almost "normal" life.  Some people know about some of my sacrifice, and others have no clue.  I am just getting started, considering that my children are young.  Yet, I wonder what will happen in the future.  Will they forget my feelings and look at what they can get out of the whole experience?  One of the things, which I noticed in the post, was that she mentioned the stepmother is paying for everything.  I am sure that is one of the reasons why she agreed. My expenses are way more than my ex, even with his child support payment. That ish don't cover anything.  It goes as quick as I get it.  I take my children to school EVERY DAY.  They are involved in lots of things that I have to take them to and pick them up.  I have neglected work and school, when they are sick.  Shoot, I was doing that when I was married.  I just wonder will my children forget what was done for them to arrive as an adult.

What advice can you give me? If I was to ask my mother, she would say. Okay, and keep it moving.  She is so strong.  She realizes that people often neglect other people feelings for their own feelings and self-gratification. Yet, I have not evolved to be that "grown-up."  I have a new prayer now.  I need God to strengthen me, so that when my children act like this, I will be able to deal and cope with it. Right now, I am NOT ready.  This is definitely a work in progress.

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