Life after Divorce: 3 Main Lessons I Have Learned from Dating after Divorce

Monday, October 28, 2013

Being divorced and having minimum dating experience prior to marriage, I have gained some very valuable lessons.  The gaps between the male species and the female species is enough to drive any sane person crazy.  Based on my experiences, I have compiled a list of 3 main lessons that I have learned.


  1. A MAN LIKES TO FEEL NEEDED.  As a woman, who can change a flat tire, build bookcases from scratch, and cook a three-course meal,  I get enjoyment out of doing things for myself.  When it comes to dating, you have to find a balanced way to not be too dependent AND too independent.  Women have to allow the man to feel like he is needed to assist her in her life.  A lot of times this need goes beyond the paying of an electric bill, but it may be washing your car, changing a light bulb, or even driving across town to kill a huge black widow spider in the garden tub.  Being completely independent and boasting about it to a potential suitor is a great date repellant. LOL
  2. FIND BALANCE IN COMMUNICATING.  Various books and websites provide a suggested timeline to communicate with someone, whom you are  dating.  Some experts suggest that women shouldn't initiate any communication first. Wait on the man.  Others suggest that you do not call or text after 10:30 p.m.  I even read one that suggested you log off of all social media accounts on weekends to appear busy.  What I have learned is to find balance and adjust your communication to fit the situation.  You don't want to text and/or call too much to seem like you are stalking.  Yet, you do not want to go numerous days without some type of communication because interest can dissipate so quickly.  How do you determine the communication boundaries.  Ask.  Find out what he or she prefers and act accordingly.
  3. GIVE ALL DATES A CLEAN SLATE.    In the beginning of dating after my divorce,  I know that I compared EVERYONE to my ex-husband.  If you were not better than him, NEXT.  Then, I escalated to comparing potential suitors to each other AND my ex-husband.  They didn't know it, but they were doomed for failure before even starting the dating process with me.  What I have learned is that every person is unique in their own ways.  Sure there may be some similarities between them and people I have dated from my past, but not giving them a clean slate to prove themselves is unfair.  Everyone should have a fair chance to prove that they are unworthy.
I am interested in hearing about your lessons that you have learned from dating.  Are they similar to my three or do you have a better list? I'm looking for responses from both men and women.



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