Habitual Pattern

Thursday, June 27, 2013


About a week ago now, I was told that I have two discs bulges in my back and that I might have a case of mild fibromyalgia.  Last week I experienced a bunch of emotions.  Some good. Some bad.  I started noticing however, the side effects of the medications.  Interested in limiting how the side effects take over my life, I began to do research on how to meditate.  Only having a few yoga classes under my belt, I found a book on meditation.  The book is called How to Meditate.   The author is Pema Chodron.  
As I read this meditation book by a well-informed nun, I started to self-reflect.  One question stuck in my mind, “What habitual patterns limit your life?” This question hit me like a ton of bricks.

I immediately started to realize that I have some habitual patterns that are dampening my progress. 

Take a look:

  1. Dealing with emotionally-unavailable men.  
  2. Forcing myself into busyness to avoid my own true feelings and thoughts.  
  3. Blaming myself for the actions of others. 
  4. Allowing my thoughts and self-generated stories to escalate my suffering.

Do any of these patterns sound familiar? As I started to reflect over these patterns, I started to understand how they have limited my progress.

For instance, I continuously find myself involved with emotionally-unavailable men.  Just like everyone else. I want to date and find a companion to share life experiences and just be in the moment.  Unfortunately, the men that I tend to find myself being involved with or feel some forms of like with are emotionally unavailable.  What do I mean by emotionally unavailable?  They don’t want to date.  They prefer to be friends with benefits.  They don’t want to commit or be in a relationship.  They are looking to “kick it,” which is the same thing as friends with benefits.  They want to “chill” like we are in a relationship without any form of commitment.  They are seeing other people and don’t plan on being monogamous.  They are married.  They are living with their “baby mama” and having problems.  They are living with their mama and have no intentions on leaving and building a life with anyone.  They love text-message pals and have the same song.  They prefer “free dates” only, which basically mean watching TV and ending the night all sweaty.  Does this paint the picture of emotionally-unavailable men?

Once I identified this habitual pattern of mine, I made a conscious commitment to myself to avoid this pattern.  Dealing with emotionally-unavailable men gets you no where.  You can’t change their mind.  They can only change their mind.  Holding out for them to be emotionally-available means that you are really setting yourself up for disappointment. So new habitual pattern #1 will be to only deal with men, who want to date and are looking for a commitment, which is also known as emotionally-available men.  Just typing this commitment is liberating.

I have made a commitment to improve my life and make some necessary changes by transforming these negative habitual patterns.  Now let me ask you:  What habitual patterns are limiting your life?

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