Catfish

Thursday, June 27, 2013


Retrieved from: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/73/Catfish_film.jpg/220px-Catfish_film.jpg

I just finished watching the movie, “Catfish.”  Finding myself disturbed by the documentary, I just wondered how many people succumbed to creating an identity in order to feel as if they belong.  Seeing the apparent loneliness that Angela was experiencing, I felt sorry for her. Yet, the empathy for Angela was short-lived as the pain in Nev eyes seeped through his tears. 

Everyone is craving to feel that “zing,” a connection with someone, who fulfills him or her.  Having access to social media has made it easier to connect with people you are unlikely to conn
ect with and feel a bond.  However, this ability to be accessible has some pitfalls.

My experience with Match.com burned my desire to use the Internet to date.  I only had one connection on Match.com.  Even though I received numerous of emails, I wasn’t interested in being anyone’s Match.com pen pal.  This one particular gentleman was perfect. Our first date was short and sweet.  I felt as if I had a chance in hell to meet someone on my level.  He was about 16 years older than me, or so he told me. Yet, he was just so right. He oozed thoughtfulness. He was attractive.  My phone ranged because he wanted to hear my voice.  As if he had a reminder set in his phone, he called me when I got out of class to DISCUSS what we talked about in class.  He asked about my children, and he sent texts to say that he liked me “a lot.” He even explained to me why I hadn’t heard from him during extended periods in one day.  All of our dates were great.  When people called, he would answer telling them that he couldn’t talk because he was on a date with me.

Imagine my surprise when I logged in to see him in “couple” pictures with a college friend on Facebook.  I had to click on several pictures to just confirm that it was him.  However, seeing his older model white Mercedes in the background confirmed that what I was seeing was true.  Feeling like a dagger was shoved through my heart, I contacted him and explained that I could no longer talk to him because I had seen the pictures via Facebook.  When I read his response, I was floored.  As he turned the dagger from side to side, he replied that he thought he could date, but now he saw that he couldn’t.  He continued by saying that he liked my friend a lot and wanted to pursue a relationship with her.  I gave him a book, which I don’t like doing, to help with his transition at work.  I still want my book back, but I knew I didn’t want to see him again.  Leaving them to wallow in their blissful life, I still see him on a regular basis via my college friend’s newsfeed. She always posts pictures of them and makes comments, suggesting that they have wedding plans.

Honestly, I am happy for her.  I never said anything to her. I haven’t contacted him since then.  I haven’t heard from him.  I haven’t seen him around.  What I do wonder though is how long was he planning on dating me AND her?  Without access to Facebook, I would have been blissfully dating the man of my dreams, while sharing him with someone else. 

I did decide to “Google” him after the fact.  I should have done that while we were dating.  He didn’t tell the truth about his age. I found out the true age on Google and some other things weren’t true. 

With all of this, I just do not know if anyone will ever be as transparent as they claim to be.  I meet so many men, who are married and/or in a relationship, and are still maneuvering as if they are single. 

I am almost thankful for my experience as a divorcee.  I always reflect on what I will and will not take when it comes to dating.  I have had some interesting dating experiences, which I think I probably need to write about in a book.  Yet, one thing I think keeps me grounded is the fact that I refuse to deal with anyone worse than my ex.  Now, don’t get me wrong. I have dated men that weren’t as good as my ex, which says a lot, but I did learn from the experiences. 

Subsequently, the scary part about the movie, “Catfish,” is how easy it is to transform into an imaginary presence of yourself.  How often does it happen that someone portrays what they have always wanted to be to people, who unknowingly believe the portrayal?

Nev mentioned that he wasn’t fooled. He wasn’t. Why? Angela didn’t give him any reason to NOT believe and to question what she was saying as being true. 

I was really proud of Nev’s reaction.  He was hurt, but he didn’t go about retaliating with the same hurt that Angela had consciously intended for him.  I did question her mental state.  With the pressure of taking care of two handicapped twins, who were not her biological children, and not living the life that she believed was intended for her, she became overwhelmed with a craving for self-fulfillment.  This selfish act of her desire to be fulfilled cost her to inflicted unimaginable harm on someone, who genuinely cared about her AND her family.  I wonder if Angela had the opportunity for a “do-over,” would she actually take it.  Would she change what she did? Was she really sorry? Was she sorry that she actually got caught?

Since I don’t watch television AND I took my Comcast cable boxes back (I refuse to continue being overcharged), I haven’t seen the reality show.  Quite frankly, I don’t plan on seeing it.  I have no interest in being reminded of how people continue to find ways to take advantage of unsuspecting genuinely real people to fulfill their own greedy selfish desires.  

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