Dating: Unequally Yoked

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Haven't we all heard 2 Corinthians 6:14, either in its true form or some kind of translation?

Don't remember: 

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

So how can we apply this to our lives, specifically dating?  With the ever growing world of social media and online dating sites, people are connecting with other people, whom they would probably never connect with in real life.  However, is this really a good thing?

I remember a guy I was "talking" to saying that women settle for a man, but a man always pick a woman. He gave an example, too. He referred to a woman, who had children and who wanted to have a significant other. Whenever a man came along, who was decent, she would settle for him despite his flaws, despite having nothing in common with him, and despite other things, because she desperately wanted a man.  He said a man was able to pick a woman. If one woman didn't act right, the man was able to just leave and pick him someone else that fits within his desired mold.  So is this true? Can women pick, or do we have to settle? Needless to say, what he said has resonated in my mind for months.

Now that brings me to being equally yoked. The interpretation as it relates to dating is that you date someone, who is on the same page and has the same relationship goal, meaning that if you do not want anything serious, you only date people who do not want anything serious.  Now, how often does this NOT happen? 

You meet a woman. She is gorgeous. She is funny. She is successful. She is gorgeous. (wait I already mentioned that one) She DOES NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP.  Despite knowing this, you set out on a mission to "make" her want one.  In the end, you feel used and ridiculous because she has not changed her mind, AND you have dealt with her as if you are in a relationship. Sounds familiar? Two words... unequally yoked.

You meet a man. He doesn't have a job. He isn't trying to find one.  He is comfortable in his life and ways.  You are smitten with him. Yet, you want a man with stability and consistency. He possesses neither.  He lets you know that he is happy where he is. Despite knowing all of this, you "go along" with it, and you hope that you can inspire or motivate him to "do better." After about one year of dating, he is still where he was before, and you are now frustrated and exasperated. Sounds familiar? Two words...unequally yoked.

What I have learned is that if you are going to date someone, being clear from the very beginning about where you stand is important.  Asking the question, "where do I stand with you" in the beginning saves a lot of time and confusion. Make sure that you date someone, who is equally yoked with you. For instance, if you meet this great man/woman and their desire is "friends with benefits" (also known as FWB and means basically, friends who participate in sexual activities WITHOUT A COMMITMENT AND FEELINGS OF ATTACHMENT) and your desire is to be settled and in a relationship, get on the next thing smoking! Newsflash! It's not going to work. Someone's feelings are going to be smashed. I am sure this is easier said than done. Been there. Done that. However, experience has taught me that you have to deal with someone, who has the same relationship expectations. 

For instance, right now, I don't want anymore children. I already have three. Even though I can have more, I don't foresee me having anymore right now. Who knows, I may change my mind later, but at this moment, I do not want anymore children.  Experience has taught me that men, who don't have children but want children, are not equally yoked with me.

So, is unequally yoked the same as settling? What do you think?

You Might Also Like