Dealing With the Ex-Husband

Monday, May 28, 2012

After being with someone for years, you know exactly what to say and do to rub them the wrong way. I promise my ex-husband is the master of this. Somehow, the things he do seem small or even unnoticeable by others, but because I know him and how he is, I understand that he is literally cutting me with a double-edged sword just by words or his actions. How do you deal with this?

Well, I have learned. I am recognizing that I don't have to have long phone conversations with him. He calls and he can talk to the children. I don't have to engage him. When he insists to the children that he needs to talk to me and I talk, if he begins to go down the familiar path of starting an argument. I end the conversation.

Now, it sounds so simple, but in the past and for years, I engaged him in a battle of words Did I change his mind? Did I change his behavior? No, not one single time did he change what he was doing, but I did allow his words and actions to upset me.

You have to learn how to deal with the ex-husband, especially if children are involved.  I no longer engage him in a battle of I am doing this and I am enjoying this. It's none of his business. It's also none of my business the trips he takes with women, the concerts he takes them to, and etc... We are no longer joined at the hip.  I had to let go of the thoughts about why he couldn't take me on trips and take me to concerts. I had to let go of questioning why I wasn't good enough for him.

When I let go of those things, I found true peace.  I found true happiness. He sees me happy and it eats away at him.  He doesn't know the source. He assumes that I am happy because I have some man creeping with me.  I don't deny or confirm his accusations. I remind him that my personal life is not his business.

Women are emotional creatures. We are tied closely by emotions to the simplest things. When dealing with your ex-husband though, you have to let go of the emotions. You have to bathe in the fact that you are able to create a new life for you and/or your children. You have to recognize that you now have an opportunity to enjoy life just the way you wanted to enjoy it. You now have the opportunity to determine your next steps.

Letting go of the control of my ex-husband has been the most liberating experience. Dealing with him is actually becoming easier.  The more he follows his normal routine of pure aggravation the more I follow a routine of unpredictable positive responses.  

*image retrieved from

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