A Strong Independent Woman

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


I recently read a post by Shannon Yvette. The title of this post was "The Ugly Truth about Strong, Independent Women." I was immediately attracted to this title. I thought to myself...What is so ugly about being a strong, independent woman? Ironically, though, I secretly knew the ugliness. Since I am now single, I am learning more and more that being a strong, independent woman is not all it's "cracked out to be." Men have told me that I am "too independent." Hearing complaints about being too independent leaves me puzzled. Men complain about needy women. I find difficulty in understanding why being an independent woman is a problem for me.  What is so wrong about a woman being able to take care of herself?  What is wrong with a woman being independent?  I had one man explain to me that men need to feel as if they are needed and important. I mean I know how to appreciate a man and need him. However, wouldn't that mean that I would have to indulge a "needy" man?  Could my interpretation be wrong?
One of Shannon's points in her post was that women are afraid to admit their need.  Honestly, I have to agree with her point. I am already surrounded by a perceived stigma that I am single with three children (even though I am divorced with three children).  People don't even consider circumstances, such as divorce. All that is recognized is the number of children and that I am single.

So what happens when I ask for a man for his help? The man can tell me that he will give me a hand, and then, he ends up failing to stick to his word, and he leaves me hanging.  In response to his lack of follow-through,  I  "make it happen," and I take care of the situation.  Shouldn't I just avoid that and handle it from the beginning? 

Furthermore, I do not like asking for help from anyone, especially someone that I am dating. I do not like feeling dependent on other people for anything. My parents taught me many things, including how to be independent.  Since I am now single, being able to take care of things has paid off. Things that I do not quite know how to do, I just use "Google" and "YouTube" to help me out.  Thank God for the Internet.  Therefore, I use the resources that I have to get things done.

Once, I meet a man, who appeared to be interesting in dating.  When I  explained what I do and my family life, he had a peculiar look on his face. I wish I could describe the look.   He proceeded to make an assumption that I would not have adequate time to date him.  Also, he made the assumption that I probably do not need a man.  I was offended by his assumptions.  I am proud of what I do and what I have accomplished.  I have worked very hard to be successful in life.   I cannot quite comprehend what's wrong with being self-sufficient and proud of being able to take care of my children.  Why is it so hard for a man to be proud of dating a strong, independent woman, who is committed to him?  What do you think?

Consequently, Shannon shared another interesting point.  Shannon suggested that women do not trust God and men. Now,  I know I do not trust some men because my ex-husband cheated on me with numerous women for years. He had cheated on me before we were married and after we were married.  So, I do have trust issues.  I try to give a man, whom I am dating the benefit of the doubt, but I am a strong believer of actions speak louder than words. If his actions do not align with what he is telling me, then,  I am sorry, but I cannot trust him.  Next, the second part of her argument that independent women do not trust God, in my opinion, is not right.  If I did not trust God to be my "security blanket," I would not be where I am in life.   My belief in God has been my motivation throughout the divorce process, as well as after my divorce became final. I firmly believe that some independent women survive because of their trust in God. 

Realistically, I am quite proud of being a strong, independent woman. I would prefer to date a man, who wanted me more than needed me.  I remember that a male friend once told me about one of his female friends.  He complained about how needy she was.  Apparently, she frequently called him and needed to hear from him all the time. His overall description of her was that she was one of those "needy" women.  She needed a man to validate her existence. Being classified as a needy woman is not a compliment.  I believe that being identified as a strong, independent woman is a compliment.

What do you think about independent women? What is your interpretation of a needy woman? 

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