Sunday, May 15, 2011

I really enjoy the conversations via text that my friend, DC, and I have. She and I probably have created a dissertation worth of replies, emotions, and thoughts. I truly have learned alot about her and about myself.  I have also learned a lot thanks to my virtual friend, Tru.  Funny how technology allows you to connect with people throughout the world, without ever meeting them in person or hearing their voice.

My life has transformed into a classroom.  The unexpected and expected events are the teachers. I am definitely the student.

I credit this continuous revolution of learning to past life experiences, life lessons, failures, disappointments, and successes.

Having recently finished Steven Pressfield's book, "Do the Work," I see that I need to continue learning and applying what I learn to accomplish more.

Now that I know I have been accepted into the Executive PhD program in Urban Higher Education, I have a new path and direction to be on. A new focus to continue learning and growing.

Even though I am learning many many lessons from my failed marriage, I can now apply this knowledge to improving myself.  Each day I notice that I am taking charge and taking care to achieve more.  Things that bothered me, irked me, forced me to hide within, and rubbed me the wrong way are not as detrimental as I once saw them. I am able to move on and live.

I still don't see myself being married again or actually in a relationship in the future.  I have certain defined expectations now that I won't relinquished.  I have definitely learned now what I want in that department. The list is defined. Yes, I have created a list describing the next potential significant other. I am praying that my list coincides what God has in store for me.  I can only hope that it does.  No more settling for anything now though. NEVER again. I am also learning that people don't date to discover what someone is like. The discovery is in the intimate setting and that is no longer as sacred as it should be. What can we credit this change to? When my parents were "dating," they went to the movies, bowling, and etc...  What encourage the transition from the world my parents were in, which helped them shaped their continued marriage now, to the point where dates are rare, and the dates that do occur usually have "strings attached" (whether spoken or unspoken).

Ledisi has a song that has a verse that emphasizes giving away your "stuff" for hugs and kisses.  I know women, who crave attention from the opposite sex so much that they tolerate intolerable things to feel loved, liked, wanted, etc... I don't agree with that, but everyone has their own set of beliefs and opinions. I tolerated so much for years. In the end, I have learned it just wasn't worth it. Don't get me wrong I do miss being the center of someone's attention, feeling special to someone, and caring for someone in a relationship manner. Yet, filling that void cannot be sacrifice for temporary gratification.  My favorite saying is that temporary gratification can lead to irreversible consequences. Don't I know it...

I am learning more about accountability to myself.  I have to be way more accountable to myself. My little girl is watching me. My sons are watching me. I have to prove to them AND to myself that when you fail, you learn from the situation, and you dust yourself off and get to it.  I sincerely hope that I do portray that daily to them. I pray for my children and their future. The world changes and people change and the world changes and people change. The cycle is neverending. Learning is infinite. In the end, the result can only be an improvement, if that is what you are striving for.

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