A Work in Progress

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I am learning true patience. Dealing with my ex tonight just to get my children back was a process in itself. He was extremely late and inconsiderate, but one can only expect that now. The wound is still fresh. His bitterness is beyond obvious now. In order to demonstrate control, I must refrain from arguing. I have mastered arguing. Yes, true arguing is almost an art in itself. Having been conditioned to argue over the simplest of things, my ex continuously stroked known nerves that ignite wildfires. Yet, I held my ground and kept my mouth shut. Was that hard? Beyond your wildest dreams.

I am determined though to create new boundaries in my life that don't revolve around unnecessary confrontations. True patience is believing that not all fifteen years of exchanging children will be as difficult as it is now. Did I really just say fifteen years?

Before picking up my angels though, I had a great day. I went to church with one of my friends. The experience was interesting and different. However, I am glad I went because I did enjoy parts of the message. I am in search of a church home. I miss the church I belong to, but I did not get the fulfillment I crave. I was still missing something. With true patience, I will find a church home, which will provide me with just the right mixture I desire. I am praying diligently, which reminds me. I found a book called, "Emergency Prayers," I bought last year. Ironically, almost a year to the date (April 22, 2010) one of the prayers I prayed over and over again from the book came to past. God does answers prayers. True patience is believing that he will.

I am learning discipline too. I sat at Starbucks today and did my work. I did not purchase anything. Yep...I am learning true patience and discipline. I have to go and utilize the "free" WIFI as much as possible because since I moved I have been draining my air card. Can't make an unnecessary bill.  

Keeping within the confines of my "NO Spend Month," I see much progress. Today was beyond gorgeous. Yet, I  restrained from an unnecessary trip to Sonic for a Strawberry Limeade. Yeah, I have a thing for specialty drinks. I spent $6 at Dollar Tree. I also spent $4.50 on washing and drying clothing. I haven't done that in almost five years. That will be an adjustment. At least the laundry facility is within walking distance.

Reducing my spending from wants to needs have proved truly beneficial. I was able to remove myself and my children from an unhealthy environment. Continuing to practice this new lifestyle will allow me to continue to provide a healthy environment for my children. I am excited about what the future holds for us.I am looking forward to a better life for his. However, this whole experience is bittersweet. I sincerely hate to see my children deal with this. My childhood did not consist of this, but everything thing happens for a reason... right?

Lastly, my date last night was pure amazement. I like me! Ha! I looked cute! The service at the Parker House was superb. I did get a little agitated with the customers, looking at me as if I didn't belong...but you know me! I like what I like! That's other people's problems if they don't like it. Thanks to the Groupon I purchased last month, my meal was only $0.71. Talk about winning. The meal was lit by candles. So romantic.  I have three courses...gumbo, redfish, and chocolate sundae.  Yes, I wasn't full vegetarian last night. The experience was so worth it.  

I want to thank you for reading this blog. Please subscribe, so that I won't have to send you a text message reminding you to read! :-) Pretty please! Being able to expose how vulnerable I am is beyond liberating. I am writing to inspire others, motivate others, and expose uncertainties. Everyone has problems. How you deal with your problems shows more about you than anything. My ultimate goal is to no longer hide behind a mask. I have problems. I am dealing with them head on...Thanks to my belief in God. I am going to fight my way to being truly fulfilled.

Consequently, I am looking forward to next week. Spring break usually means traveling, but for me...it doesn't. Even if this was not NO Spend Month I wouldn't be to go anywhere. My money has plans to begin building wealth and better living conditions. I am definitely a work in progress. When you go to bed tonight, say a prayer for me and my children. Good night!

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