Having a Moment

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

As the "pitter patter" of the rain screams through the glass windows of my sliding patio door, my silent  thoughts have become cloudy with the here and now. So hard to focus on the unforeseen vision of my future or even write the possible vision for my life, when I am bombarded with so much stuff. The disappearance of the melancholy in my attitude towards life and just towards everything is so soothing. Yet, tonight, I am having a moment.

Have you ever just felt overwhelmed? I was starting to feel that way. My car brakes are ridiculously bad. The rotors are screeching in agony as I accelerate or stop. I feel so sorry for them. Nothing I can do for them at the present moment, but I know soon they will be put to rest and out of their misery.  My oldest son was complaining about feeling sick and was running a fever. Washing clothing for kids to wear to school and having to dry them because the prongs don't match the plug-in for the dryer. Feeling the urge to be hugged by my parents. Wanting to be in a different place. Desiring to experience something unknown. Craving even more change. And so on...and so on.

Thankfully I did what I knew would keep me from falling into the bottomless pit of "self-pity." I dialed my mother. She listened, she consoled, she encouraged, she prayed, she was there for me during my moment. I am realizing by addressing what is bothering me head on and just talking through it without someone telling me what I should think or what I should feel is the most comforting thing possible during a period of "having a moment."

Sometimes, I have to consciously refocus when thoughts drift to what if my mom and dad are taken away from me. I am just not ready to walk down that path. That moment is not my cup of tea right now. Sometimes, however, I do wonder though when the time comes from my parents to leave for a better place, will I have someone, who listens, consoles, loves, refuses to judge, and is just there...like my parents have been.

As this moment gradually begins to fade away, I find myself in a reflective mood.  Yet, I focus on the remaining fact...this too will pass. I can't say I don't know what to do because I do know what to do. I know to pray, have faith, trust God, and be strong. That is all I can do.

What do you do when you are "having a moment?" What soothes you?

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  1. Well for me, my parents have never really been there, not for themselves and not for me. I guess that makes a difference btw the both of us. And i guess that's what has made me a very analytical individual as well. Because my parents were never really there I have learned to be very good at finding the best way out of situations and rarely ever turning to any one for assistance.

    Fortunately history has made me understand that I do, on the other hand, listen to people ... a lot, sometimes at my own peril. When I was in school a young lady came to me and told me I was the only one she could talk to, that she was pregnant and was going to abort. That was my worst semester ever. I spoke to her the best I could and called all the pastors I knew but she still aborted. I thought God was giving me an opportunity to save the child's life and felt terrible that I failed.

    Any way nice post, I especially like that part that emphasizes that women don't always talk/complain because they want solutions, but just because they are somehow hard wired to talk through situations.

    Thanks for the post.

  2. WoW! I wouldn't know what to do if my parents were not reliable. I would be completely lost. I am glad though you adapted to what was necessary for your survival.

    In regards to the abortion, you must look at it like this. Perhaps, you wer put in the threshold to help her realize she had an opportunity to make the a decision. However, her decision did not directly aligned with the opportunity presented. You cannot be to blame of for the consequences of others, especially those which are irreversible. However, you can learn from that experience as showing you that you are strong enough to help others and reliable to be trustworthy. Everything happens for a reason. Learn from it and accept it as a life lesson. What can you learn from that situation?

  3. To run from any abortion cases that come my way!! LOL, just kidding.

    Well I think the experience really made me stronger, and I learned a lot about young ladies and their fears and will be in a better position to counsel one in the future and make a good impact.

    And if I face a similar situation in the future, i will be even more resolved to save the child's life, cos I don't give up easily and have leaned from that experience.

  4. What was most compelling about the experience dealing with the young lady? What do you recognize as a major fear for women? How do you think you would act now if faced with the same situation?

  5. Wow!! You do like to ask questions.

    Will try to answer as I can.
    Well i think the most compelling experience was the feeling of loss that I felt ... I think I felt that even more than she did which raised doubts in my mind that it was her first, tho she insisted that it was.

    Like I said before I really don't have a major/any fear for women but on the other hand I do have a very important criterion which most be met by the woman of my life (I don't play games, never have, never intend to). And I have tried to explain that this cannot really be written as somethings can only be experienced. But I'll give it a shot ... a small one.

    Well this is to the best of my knowledge how a man should love his wife. My belief is that a man should love his wife the way Christ has loved the Church (yes I know it sounds cocky but I live by it). This is the only way a man can look beyond the flaws, setbacks, disappointments and what ever she or even the world would throw at him and just be have so much love and happiness that he has her. Not for any particular reason but because he looked/searched all around and has decided that she is the one, this has to do with faith as well, just like we have faith in Christ (Marriage is actually by faith not experience).

    Now all that I ask in return is that a woman should love me the same way, no doubt only a Christian woman would understand this kind of love. Once I have no doubt in my heart that a woman is capable of loving me this way then what ever she does no matter how terrible it may look in the eyes, she would know I have already forgiven her because in my heart I know she did even that in love.

    This is rather far from what I have in mind, and not half as coherent as I want it to be, but I hope you can see a pattern.

    For your last question on how I will act now, well I have really matured from that experience years ago, both spiritually and mentally. But I think the first step would be to lead the young lady to Christ (tho the last lady claimed she was Christian) and after she's properly born again I'll then outline to her using the Bible, the guilt and consequences involved in taking the wrong part.

    Ok, I'm beginning to feel like I'm taking over your blog. So any advice for me from you end as to how I have answered your questions?

  6. Did you feel a feeling of loss because you did not effectively intervene in the abortion or for the loss of life for the child. You highlighted the criterion of the woman in your life. Have you been success at fulfilling this criterion? Have you just given in with part of the criterion? Now being in a new position to allow someone else in my life, the criterion is completely different compared to ten years ago. Yet, I am finding it hard to identify exactly what I want and what I don't want. I started working on a list and just put it to the side. I started getting a headache. Has your religious belief interfered with connecting with a potential female?

    Don't worry about "taking over" my blog. I am enjoying the dialogue.

  7. You know my parents have always been there and it will be very challenging when that time comes because I know they are always a phone call away.As a beautiful black woman you have to truly pray and have faith in God. He will pull you through. True friends will be there for you as well to fill the void. Enjoy your parents each and every day because many individuals don't have that blessing. It's just me so I have no siblings to call and vent. I have always tried to have have good and true friends in my life. So here's to true friends and beautiful black women. You have overcome some major issues so I do have faith that you will be okay and handle whatever challenge comes your way girl.

  8. I forget that you don't have siblings. I completely understand. I am praying that when the time does come that I will be strong! :-) throughout this entire ordeal, true friends have emerged like no one would believe. Thanks again!