Hidden Figures, also a book was written by Margot Lee Shetterly, tells the history of African-American mathematicians at NASA. Film writers Melfi and Allison Schroeder tells the story of Dorothy Vaughn, Katherine G. Johnson, and Mary Jackson. The movie stars, Taraji P. Henson, as Katherine, Octavia Spencer as Dorothy Vaughn, and Janelle Monae, as Mary Jackson.The film shares the stories of these women as they settle into careers during segregation. Each woman's accomplishments defeat the "status quo" during the Civil Rights Era. Having to deal not only with barriers based on race, Jackson, Vaughn, and Johnson dealt with gender barriers, as well. The movie was inspiring and made you appreciate their committee to being African American and women fighters within the workplace.
I will not explain the life lessons because I do not what to share spoilers. However, if you have seen the movie, you know where these life lessons come from in the film. Here are the ten life lessons that I learned from watching Hidden figures:
*When you learn something, help others learn.
*Remain humble and determined. Always remain humble. Figure out what you want and do not stop until you get it.
*Do good work.
*Stick up for yourself. No one is obligated to fight your fight.
*Spousal support is important to a person's success, if someone is in a relationship.
*You can always be "the first."
*Friendship and social events help with the balance of work and life.
*Teaching your children what's right, what's just,and what's important is your responsibility.
*You know what you know. No one can take that away from you.
I plan to read the book by Margot Lee Shetterly soon. I hate seeing a movie before I read the book. Anyway, I am hoping that the accuracy of the book is directly reflected in the film. I have my fingers crossed. Have you seen the movie? What did you think? Let's talk.
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Seven Steps to Keep Your Sanity During a Divorce
By Rich Gordon
Going through a divorce can be overwhelming in more ways than one: your emotions will go up and down like a roller coaster for several months and you will feel pulled in many directions all at once. You also may have to sell your home and other property, find a new place to live, and adjust to being a single parent. Divorce can take a devastating toll on your financial, emotional and social health, but there are several ways to cope with the changes and instability:
1) Take Time to Grieve
A divorce is a loss and therefore requires grieving. It is important to take time to go through this grieving process and acknowledge your feelings. Remember that in time of divorce, friends and family will take sides, so not only be ready to let go of your spouse, but also of some friendships. This will add pain to the separation process but is a necessary step towards your new life.
2) Build an Emotional and Social Support Network
This is a crucial time to rely on your loved ones, whether it means your family and/or your friends, and search for the emotional support you need. Surround yourself with people who will let you share your feelings and offer a leaning shoulder without judging your situation or decisions. Make the time to go out to dinner or a movie. Laugh, enjoy the present moment and the good company. Remember that laughter is great medicine.
3) Get Professional Help
If you feel that the support from your family or friends is not enough, seek out professional help. Relationship counselors can teach you coping skills for each situation you will be struggling with during the divorce process. A counselor will also help you bring the focus back on you, and help you distance yourself from your ex-spouse. Reconnecting with your individuality and identifying your own needs and desires is very important, especially if you were married for a long time.
4) Get Moving
It is not essential to join a gym to add exercise to your daily life, but it is crucial that you take care of yourself physically. Divorce is considered one of life's most traumatic events, and its toll on the body and the mind can have devastating and long-lasting effects. Exercise releases endorphins and helps you decrease stress levels. It also helps you sleep better, which will improve your mental focus during the day, at work and at home.
5) Take it One Day at a Time and Remember Who You Are
Thinking about the future can be overwhelming, especially when so many factors have to be considered and your life path seems uncertain. By breaking large steps into smaller steps, you can get closer to your goals without the increased emotional toll and stress. In addition, divorce is not only an end but also a new beginning -- the perfect opportunity to remember the person you were before the marriage. Consider reconnecting with your old hobbies or find new ones that will make you happy.
6) Be Strong for Your Children
By taking all the necessary steps mentioned above, you will become a better parent, emotionally and physically stronger. Remember that a divorce can be very difficult for children too, and they will need your emotional support. Children can be a great motivation to pulling yourself together, helping you focus on a new and happy life with them.
7) Reduce the Emotional and Financial Toll by Hiring a Divorce Mediator
Going through the divorce process does not have to be excruciating and if you and your spouse think that you can work things amicably, then choose a divorce mediator instead of hiring separate attorneys. Besides reducing your financial expenses, divorce mediation will mitigate friction between spouses as the mediator encourages communication and compromise to reach a consensus regarding the division of assets and debts, child custody and visitation schedule, child support, and spousal support, in a reasonable amount of time. A shorter divorce process will help you start the healing process sooner.
To learn more about the mediation process, complete our request for a free online evaluation, and to receive a free 30-minute phone consultation, visit us at http://www.afairway.com, or call 619-702-9174.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Rich_Gordon/2205788
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Imagine my surprise when I discovered that R. Kelly has a new Christmas album. The title of the album is 12 Nights of Christmas. I discovered it this week, when I was going through Christmas albums in iTunes.
In the 90s and early 2000s, I loved R. Kelly's music and his voice. I know that I am not the only person trying to go through each of the Trapped in the Closet episodes.
This album is really, really good. I have been playing it all week. I have in playing in the background, while working. R. Kelly sounds like the original R. Kelly, who we all feel in love with in the beginning. My favorite song on the album is "Home for Christmas."
Honestly, Christmas is my favorite holiday. My family and I have the Christmas tree up, and I am hoping to decorate more than I have ever done before. Having a one year old running around makes it kind of difficult to put certain things up, but I am just excited this year about Christmas and the Holiday Season. Check out the album. Tweet me your thoughts @cassandrawilde
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By Darlene Lancer
Forgiveness can sometimes feel impossible or even undesirable. Other times, we forgive only to be hurt again and conclude that forgiving was foolish. Both situations arise from confusion about what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness doesn't require that we forget or condone another's actions or the harm caused. In fact, for self-protection rather than anger, we may decide to never see the person again. Forgiveness doesn't mean we justify or play down the hurt caused. Often, codependents forgive AND forget, and continue to put themselves in harms' way. They forgive and then rationalize or minimize their loved one's abuse or addiction. This is their denial. They may even contribute to it by enabling.
Meaning of Forgiveness
"Forgiveness is releasing a prisoner and discovering the prisoner was you," said Hilary Clinton. When we hold grudge, hostility can sabotage our ability to enjoy the present and our future relationships. Ongoing anger harms us and actually has negative health consequences. It raises blood pressure, impairs digestion, and creates psychological symptoms, such as anxiety, depression, and mental and physical pain.
"Holding anger is poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves." (Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven)
The opposite is true of forgiveness, which improves mental and physical functioning. Although forgiveness can mean to pardon, generally, it means to let go of resentment, releasing us from obsessive or recurring negative thoughts. When we "forgive our enemies," we relinquish any desire for payback, revenge, or that misfortune comes to them. Empathy and understanding toward our offender help us forgive. If we're in a relationship, we attempt to rebuild trust and may set boundaries around our partner's conduct in the future. Although the past impacts, informs, and shapes us, we're able to make constructive changes and move on in peace.
When to Forgive
Forgiveness too soon may deny anger that's needed for change. If we've been deceived, abused, or victimized, justified anger affirms our self-respect. It can motivate us to protect ourselves with appropriate boundaries. It helps us cope with grief and let go. It can smooth the progress of separation from an abuser. In divorces, usually at least one spouse is angry, facilitating the breakup.
Initially, we hurt. If we've been betrayed or rejected, it's natural to feel pain - just like a physical wound. We must experience it and cry without self-judgment. We need time to feel the hurt and loss that has happened and to heal. Once, we feel safe and have gone through stages of loss, it may be easier to forgive.
Denial can make us forgive too soon or block forgiveness altogether. We should never deny, enable, or condone abuse. Denying that someone is an addict or abuser encourages us to continually accept broken promises, avoid setting boundaries, or stay in a toxic relationship. Denying that a loved one isn't the ideal we want or imagined only feeds our disappointment and resentment. Accepting that you're a partner or our parents are flawed, as we all are, can open the door to acceptance and forgiveness.
If forgiveness is withheld too long, it can impede completing the stages of grief and lead to bitterness. Many codependents are uncomfortable with feeling or showing anger. Instead, they're preoccupied with resentment and replay negative scripts and events in their minds. Resentment can disappear when we give ourselves permission to be angry and allow feelings of anger and sadness to flow. They may not even need to be expressed to the person who hurt us.
How to Forgive
It takes conscious reflection, a decision, and often prayer to let go and forgive. The following are some suggestions:
- Be sure to work through the stages of grief.
- Keep in mind that forgiveness relieves you of pain. It's medicine for you.
- Think about the ways that resentment negatively holds you back and affects your life.
- You're not responsible for someone else's behavior - only your own. Consider your contribution to the situation. Perhaps you didn't communicate your expectations or boundaries, provoked the person, or denied his or her capacity to hurt you.
- Try to see the person's behavior and attitude from his or her point-of-view in the context of their life experience. Did he or she intentionally try to hurt you? In other words, develop empathy, but this doesn't justify abuse or mean you should forget they're capable of repeating it.
- Praying for the other person is effective."
Sometimes we must forgive ourselves before we're ready to forgive someone else. We often blame others when we feel guilty. We can hold onto resentment to avoid accepting responsibility for our actions or to avoid feeling guilty. Although it's important to reflect upon and take responsibility for our contribution to the problem, we need to forgive ourselves for any part we played. It may be harder to forgive ourselves than someone else.
Reconciliation may or may not follow forgiveness. If we were hurt by someone close to us and want to maintain the relationship, then reconciliation might require their taking responsibility for their actions, making amends, and an agreement not to repeat their behavior. If trust was deeply broken with deception or an affair, couples counseling may be necessary in order to heal. Sometimes, the relationship is stronger as a result.
In some cases, we must clearly recognize and believe that the person we care about won't change, that their behavior reflects their wounded self. Letting go of expectations that they act differently can set the stage for acceptance of reality. We may decide to continue the relationship on less intimate terms or with different boundaries that protect you. For example, you may choose to only spend time with an addict when, or on the condition that, he or she is sober, or see an abusive person in a safe place, for short visits, and/or with a third person present.
The other person might not be willing to take responsibility for his or her behavior or forgive us for ours, but forgiveness is for our benefit. Others' anger hurts them, and our anger hurts us. Remember that forgiveness increases our integrity and peace of mind. It heals the cracks in our heart.
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, author of Codependency for Dummies, and Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. She's an expert in relationships, codependency, and addiction, having worked with individuals and couples for 27 years. She maintains private practice in Santa Monica, CA and coaches internationally. For more information, see http://www.whatiscodependency.com to receive a FREE Report, "14 Tips for Letting Go," and find links to her books and eBooks, including: "Dealing with a Narcissist," "How to Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits" and "10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism." Watch her YouTube, "Codependency: What It Is and What It Feels Like." You can follow her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/codependencyrecovery.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Darlene_Lancer/563438
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